Title: Forget
Author: gothikmaus
Fandom: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Category: Hurt/Comfort, ficlet
Warning: Mention of child abuse
Summary: Nick just wants to forget. Why is it so hard?
A/N: Inspired by prompt #21 of this prompt list I found on Tumblr: "Just look at me. Forget everything else."
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and all related characters are property of CBS. I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.
"You ready to go?"
Nick looks up as Greg's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He has no idea how long he's been sitting on the bench in the locker room after D.B. left, memories from the past and images of the latest case chasing each other in his mind.
He shakes his head.
"I think I'm gonna hit the gym, I need to shake off some tension."
Greg shrugs.
"Sure. Just don't overdo it, you're not getting any younger."
"Charming as always, Sanders."
Greg grins and kisses the top of Nick's head.
"See you later."
The gym is blissfully empty, and Nick goes straight to the punching bag. He doesn't bother with boxing gloves or hand wraps, he just needs to hit something. He throws some tentative punches at first, adjusting his stance as he goes, but he quickly picks up the pace. It's not long before his vision starts to blur and all he can see in front of him is a distorted face. He doesn't know how old she was, just that she looked older then his sisters and younger than his parents. She had long, wavy hair and a smile that still haunts his dreams sometimes. He keeps hitting and hitting until the muscles in his arms burn, and only stops when he's out of breath, limbs shaking and beads of sweat dripping down his face, knuckles rubbed raw from the rough material of the bag. He doubles over and places his hands on his knees, panting heavily.
He just wants to forget. Why is it so hard?
***
He's tired by the time he gets home, tired to the bone. He hopes he'll be able to sleep.
"There you are. I thought I'd told you not to overdo it." Greg's tone is cheerful, but his smile fades quickly as soon as he takes a look at Nick. "Are you okay?"
Nick shrugs and puts his backpack down. He'll throw his dirty clothes in the laundry basket later.
"Just tired."
"What happened to your hands?"
Greg's expression is worried as he walks up to him. He gently takes hold of Nick's hands and lifts them, frowning as he studies the reddened, cracked skin around his knuckles.
Nick doesn't answer.
"I'll get some antiseptic," Greg says, and starts to move away.
Nick catches Greg's hands before he can step away, and Greg looks down at their fingers, then up at Nick's face, concerned. Nick leans forward and presses his forehead against Greg's.
"What's wrong?"
Nick opens his mouth but can't speak. His throat has closed up and he almost chokes. He clutches Greg's hands tighter.
"Something happened when I was nine," he finally manages to croak out in a voice he doesn't even recognize as his own. "I was…" He stops, unable to go on.
Molested. Even after all these years, he still can't say the word out loud. In a way, he envies Pete McCrone, who found the strength to tell his mother what Grady had done to him, who was brave enough to take that bastard to court. Only for the system to fuck him up like that.
"I don't usually think about it," he adds when he's able to speak again. "But then something will remind me of it, and it all comes crashing back."
He can feel Greg's fingers twine with his own.
"Today's case?"
He nods.
"When you found me in the locker room earlier, D.B. had just left. He could tell something was bothering me, and he wanted to talk, but I couldn't, I just…"
His voice breaks, and he has to stop and take a series of deep breaths. Greg leans back slightly and reaches up, hands gently framing Nick's face as he looks into his eyes.
"Hey. Just look at me. Forget everything else."
Nick shakes his head, a bitter smile curving his lips.
"Believe me, that's the only thing I want. But no matter what I do, I just can't forget."
Greg slides his hands to the back of Nick's head, arms wrapping around his shoulders as he pulls him into a hug. Nick returns the embrace, closing his eyes and burying his face against Greg's neck.
"Is there anything I can do?" Greg asks, running a hand slowly up and down Nick's back.
Nick shakes his head.
"Just stay here," he whispers.
Greg kisses his temple.
"I'm here. For as long as you need me."
-----
December 2021