Title: The ghost of you
Author: Ligeia
Fandom: The Cure/Duran Duran
Pairing: Simon Gallup/Nick Rhodes
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance, Crossover
Summary: I wanted to write something sad, but I'm afraid it just turned out boring. Simon meets an old friend, someone who helped him when he was away from The Cure.
The following story is a mere work of F I C T I O N, meaning it is 100% made up. None of the situations described here ever happened, and even if they did, I have no way of knowing. This is not about spreading rumours or, worse, libel. The people portrayed in this story are real, but I am NOT claiming they did what I wrote. I use their "public personas" and build stories around them as if they were fictional characters.
Simon Gallup turned and cast a surprised glance at the entrance as the doorbell rang, wondering who it could be at 1.30 am, disturbing him right in the middle of one of his best games ever.
"Shit" he grumbled switching his Play Station off and got to his feet "If it's a fanboy I'm gonna cut his head off at the neck" he thought somehow annoyed as he gingerly approached the window and peeped cautiously from behind the drawn curtains.
--Mental note: tell Sarah to throw all these lace-trimmed rags down the drain and get something less see-through. I bloody want privacy when I'm home--
He knit his brows as he realized it was pitch dark outside, the cool night air wrapping around his unknown guest like a black velvet mantle, keeping him hidden like a wolf in its lair. After his eyes had got used to the darkness he began to slowly make out shapes here and there. A faint luminescence provided by some distant streetlights created a spooky atmosphere in his garden. The nearer lamp posts had been broken days before by some lads who had nothing better to do than throwing stones around and hadn't been repaired yet.
Simon finally caught sight of a rather slim figure, probably a man, hands in pocket and wearing a hat, slowly walking down the narrow path. Stopping a few steps from the gate he raised his head and stared at the starless sky, his black silhouette shrouded by a dim translucent halo, a trembling white cloud leaving his slightly parted lips as he wearily breathed out.
A tiny smile appeared on Simon's face as he thought of the only person who would knock on his door so late at night. He sighed and shook his head, pushing the thought aside "Nah...it can't be. He doesn't even live round here. Besides..." he chuckled low "he's not so thin."
He left his sentry post determined to ignore whoever the man standing in his garden was, convinced that he would simply give up within minutes. He was really thankful that neither Sarah nor the children were home at the moment, he would have flown into a rage if this freak had woken up his kids in the middle of the night. He had taken but a few steps when he heard a voice call him from outside.
"Simon? I know you're there, I saw the light...I'm sorry, I know it's late but I need to talk to you...Simon please..."
The bassist stopped short trying to remember whom the familiar tone belonged to. It felt like a lifetime since he had last heard it, still it brought vivid memories to mind, of an old but never forgotten friendship, of laughter and fights, hasty departures, endless nights spent drinking and.. Then it finally dawned on him and he rushed back to the door, undid the bolt and flung it open, grinning madly as he greeted his old friend.
"Nick! Is it really you? Good old Nick Rhodes? Man, it's been ages, how are you? Come on in, you've been waiting in the cold long enough." Nick silently stepped inside, head bowed and eyes fixed on the carpet. "Sorry I didn't open sooner but, you know, it's almost 2 in the morning and..." Noticing his friend's demeanour Simon stopped chatting and moved closer putting an arm around the other man's shoulder "Hey, are you all right?" he asked concerned "I can fix you something if you want. And please, take off your coat, you'll be cold when you get out."
Nick didn't reply and simply did as he was told, removing his coat and handing it to a now worried Simon, finally raising his head as he took his hat off, staring blankly at the bassist as his eyes widened in genuine surprise.
"What...what have you done?" he managed to let out pointing at his friend's hair: gone was the neat golden mane, the carefully combed hairdo he could still clearly remember, replaced by a tousled mop of hair - and it was jet-black.
"Why, don't you like it?" Nick said, his first words since he had walked inside.
"No, I mean, it's just...you were blond last time I saw you, I was simply surprised." Simon replied, head tilted slightly to his right, studying his friend "Well, you're not so bad after all."
The hint of a smile formed on Nick's lips and a corner of his mouth twitched upward for an instant. It was gone just as quickly. "I'll take it as a compliment. It's not the first time I've turned to black though."
Simon frowned briefly as his mind wandered back through the years. "Oh yes, I remember. Was it 10 years ago? More, probably. It was when--" Words failed him as he clearly recalled everything.
***********
"Why don't you just say yes, Si? That's what you've wanted for over a year now" Nick was pouring some red wine into two glasses, turning his back to Simon as he spoke.
"18 months" Simon corrected and wished he hadn't. All this time and he was still keeping count of the months that had passed since he'd left the band. So pathetic. How many days would it make...
"18 months" Nick spun around with a sarcastic smile on his lips and offered his friend a glass "Sorry for my inaccuracy" He sipped at his wine and swallowed it slowly, savouring the sweetish taste "Face it Simon: you keep track of everything they do, go to their concerts whenever you can, now I find out you're still counting off the days you've been away..."
Simon opened his mouth to retort but Nick's glare silenced him. He was right, damn him: 531 days.
"And" the keyboardist approached the table Simon was sitting at and placed his hands on it "just look at yourself. When was the last time you saw a barber? No wait, let me guess: 18 months ago, right? Do you realize you're turning into *his* little double?"
Simon didn't say a word. He was staring down at his boots, hands clenched into fists and trembling visibly for the tension. Everything Nick had told him was true, he had tried to keep his emotions hidden even from himself but his actions gave it clearly away: once he'd realized he couldn't be with Robert anymore he had decided, though on a subconscious level, to *be* him. Some attitudes, the urge to form a new band, even the wild hair, everything was meant to emulate the singer, his former bandmate, his...
He felt strong arms wrap around him and soft lips breathe against his ear "Well, of course you're much sexier, Si" Nick whispered and kissed the tender lobe. He knew what was going on in the bassist's mind -and in his heart- and knew he needed his presence now more than ever.
Simon sighed deeply. "You think I should go back to the fold then?" His right hand trailed slowly along Nick's forearm as he leant into his comforting embrace.
"Hell, yes!" Nick said almost incredulous releasing him to kneel down at his side "Why do you keep asking?"
"I don't know, it feels so strange. And I've got my own band now..."
"Is it *really* so important, Si? Is it what you really want to do?" Nick stroked Simon's thigh and smiled up at him "Besides, I've heard you sing on one of the songs and believe me, you won't go very far in that direction, love. No offence meant, of course."
The last remark brought a smile on the bassist's lips. "Oh thanks, like you know how to sing. I've heard you once too and it sounded like a caterwaul rather than a human voice."
"That's why I play keyboards, you know..." Nick grinned, glad that his friend's mood was getting better and took his hand to kiss it.
"What about us?"
Simon's words caught him off guard. "What do you mean?" he asked, though he knew perfectly what the question was about.
"You know what" Simon had turned suddenly serious and was staring intensely into Nick's eyes, making him feel definitely uneasy. "I'll have to tour with them as well, we'd never get to see each other. And..."
"I know" Nick interrupted him. He also knew what he was going to say next --I'll be with Robert again-- and he didn't want to hear it. "Don't be so negative, you'll find a little time for me, won't you? I tour with Duran as well but I'm here now, aren't I?" He lifted his hand and caressed Simon's face "You can't miss such an opportunity, Si. And I would be a monster if I asked you to give up." Even if I want it so badly, he mentally finished.
Simon gazed at him in silence for a while, feeling Nick's thoughts as he looked into the soft blue eyes peering up at him, wide and glittering, then bent down to seal their mouths together, relishing the taste of their kiss for he knew this was going to be one of their last nights together.
*************
He was right. Once he'd joined The Cure again Simon began spending more and more time away from Nick, busy with rehearsals, recording sessions, concerts and, after the new album had been released, a UK tour. The two had kept in contact at first, meeting whenever they could and spending hours on the phone when the distance prevented them from being together, but as the weeks passed the calls became shorter and the visits sporadic, until the only way the had to see each other was watching music shows on tv.
It was a few months after his departure when Simon, sleepily zapping through channels, caught sight of his friend and what he saw made him stare wide-eyed at the tv-screen in front of him: Nick had definitely changed look and was now sporting a dark and rather askew mane, quite different from his usual hairdo. The bassist's heart sank as he remembered the conversation they'd had on that night...
*************
"Well, the cat got your tongue?"
Nick's voice brought Simon back to the present and he blinked, focusing his attention on his guest again. "You said you needed to talk to me. What about?"
The keyboardist took a deep breath and sat down on the sofa "Well, it's nothing specific, you know. I just happened to be round here and...I thought it would be nice to pop in and say hello, it's been quite some time since we last met."
"So this is a simple courtesy visit..."Simon replied and checked his watch "at 2 am? Do you really think I'm gonna eat it up, man?" He went to the sofa and sat down next to him "Come on Nick, spill it. If you've shown up at this time after all these years there must be some pretty good reason!"
"Well, I heard that The Cure are about to release a new album and so are we and...you know, I just thought it was a nice coincidence and..." Nick looked up at Simon's sceptical expression and stopped "You don't believe me, do you? Heh...I've never been a good liar. I just wanted to see you Si, I know it's stupid but--"
"You never wanted me to go, did you?" Simon remarked, noticing the other's lips were trembling as he spoke. Nick had convinced him to join the band again back in 1985 and the bassist had always been extremely thankful to him for his help and support, but he had also been aware of Nick's feelings.
"Did I give you that impression?" the keyboardist asked back, absently stroking a cushion and refusing to meet his friend's eyes.
"You've never been a good liar" Simon answered with a sweet smile. "It must have been very hard for you."
Nick found himself embracing him a second later. "You can't even imagine how much I've missed you Si...but I didn't have the right to stop you, you couldn't--"
"Miss such an opportunity, I know" Simon still remembered Nick's words, the way he had tried to be convincing, look enthusiastic when he had finally made up his mind, while his wistful blue eyes clearly betrayed all the sadness that weighted his heart.
It all felt very natural as their faces moved closer and their lips touched, just as if time had frozen and it was still 1984, just like they were still lovers.
Nick was drunk with the sweetness of the kiss, he had dreamed of Simon's taste for years, the memory of everything they'd shared had filled his sleepless nights and he could hardly believe they were together again now. He felt suddenly lost when Simon pulled back and broke the kiss.
"No Nick, we can't do this" he muttered, slowly shaking his head. Then more firmly, "I can't. Sorry."
Nick sighed and placed a hand on the bassist's thigh, leaning forward a bit as he spoke. "It's Robert, isn't it?" Simon's silence was the clearest answer. "I know. I've always known, Si" A sad smile appeared on Nick's lips before he went on. "It's always been like that, the more you tried to forget him the more you loved him. But I haven't come to claim you heart tonight."
His arms wrapped around his friend's lean form and he drew him close, tilting his head to whisper in his ear. "Please..." His lips slid slowly downward, planting tiny kisses along his jaw before coming to a stop an inch away from his mouth. He moved back slightly, enough to look up into his dark eyes, and Simon saw Nick's deep sadness in the liquid sapphirine irides staring expectantly at him. He cupped the keyboardist's cheek with his hand, brushing his thumb across his lower lip for a moment and pulled him closer for another kiss.
*************
They laid on the sofa for some time, legs and arms entangled under a blanket haphazardly thrown over their limp, sated bodies. Simon opened his eyes as he felt Nick moving beside him and saw him sitting up and reaching for his clothes.
"Going already?"
Nick turned and gazed down at him, a faint smile appearing on his lips as he finished buttoning his shirt. "It's almost 6 o' clock, I want to leave before the sun comes up. And I guess you don't want your wife to find me here when she comes back either."
That last remark caught Simon off guard: Sarah knew something about the goings on between him and Robert, but he had never told her about Nick.
--Maybe I will. Someday--
"You want a cup of tea? Coffee?" he offered straightening himself up and adjusting the blanket around himself, shivering at the cool air that seemed to have filled the living room all of a sudden.
"No, thanks" Nick politely declined, putting on his shoes and getting to his feet. "I've bothered you enough tonight, haven't I?" He put a hand on Simon's shoulder as he saw he was about to get up. "I know where the door is" He bent down and kissed him one last time "I don't want you to watch me run away from my demons."
And with that he was off. Simon sprang up as soon as he heard the door closing and went to the window, helplessly staring after his friend's shape disappearing in the mist.
-----
March 2001