Title: Let's dance
Author: Ligeia ~ gothikmaus @ hotmail.com
Fandom: Orgy (RPS)
Pairing: Ryan/Paige, Jay/Paige
Rating: NC-17
Category: Angst, romance
Summary: Paige plucks up his courage and decides to let go.
The following story is a mere work of F I C T I O N, meaning it is 100% made up. None of the situations described here ever happened, and even if they did, I have no way of knowing. This is not about spreading rumours or, worse, libel. The people portrayed in this story are real, but I am NOT claiming they did what I wrote. I use their "public personas" and build stories around them as if they were fictional characters.
"Hey Paige, let's go dance!" Ryan was hopping impatiently in front of me, moving in time with the heavy rhythm that filled the club.
"Not now Ryan, I don't feel like it." Half true.
"Aww come on, I don't wanna dance alone. Bobby and Amir are all over each other as usual and Jay is in his little diva world again ignoring everyone but himself. Please?"
"Really Ryan, I...I don't like the music" Stupid excuse, I know. But what could I tell him? 'I want to stay here and watch you, I love the way you wiggle your hips, you're so sexy I would jump you right now'? Not a good idea.
"Mmh...ok..." I couldn't help but smile at the small pout that appeared on his face, it made me want to hug him, comfort him. Almost. Better not linger on these thoughts for too long. "But I'm coming to fetch you if they put on a song you like."
I stared at his back as he skipped to the dance floor and began swaying in time to the beat, looking away every time he glanced my way. I didn't know why I felt this way about him. I knew I wasn't his kind, he preferred girls and the few times I'd seen him with a guy they were always tall, lanky types. Like Jay. But one can't have a relationship with Jay. I had tried. Luckily he was sensible enough to inform me that all he wanted was a good fuck every now and then and he didn't want to hurt me or ruin our friendship. So when I realized that it wasn't what I was looking for I simply told him and he understood me completely, said he was expecting that. He knows me too well.
I was so absorbed in thought that I didn't realized which song was being played, not until Robert Smith's voice filled the air and I saw Ryan standing right in front of me with a smug grin on his face.
"You can't tell me you don't like this either!" He grabbed my arm and before I could protest I found myself in an ocean of writhing bodies with my friend jumping at my side. He was everything I could never be: funny, outgoing, the most positive person I had ever met. No wonder I loved him.
"Hey Paige, what's wrong?" Ryan's voice pulled me out of my trance. Another song was playing, so I had an excuse to make off.
"Nothing Ryan, I'll go back and finish my drink."
"I don't think so" I felt his hand grasp mine and pull me back to him "You're staying here and dancing with me until you can't stand anymore."
"But..." I needed to make up something, and quick. "I'm not a good dancer, you know..."
"Who said that? And even if it was true, who gives a damn? I don't think anyone's gonna judge you here. You know something, Paige? You should stop worrying so much about what people might think of you. Just let go."
Ryan's little speech really touched me. That was exactly my problem: people's opinion. Everything I did was studied to give the impression I wanted to give, to build the image I wanted to have. Being in a band gave me the opportunity to make things I would never dare do on my own, I felt safer, bolder. But Ryan was right and I was getting tired of all this.
"I'll try."
His fingers moved to my chin and lifted my face so he could look me in the eye. "You're a beautiful person, Paige and don't let anyone say otherwise."
I felt my cheeks blush. One of the reasons I started wearing make up, I needed a mask to hide my too visible emotions. I didn't want to hide anything from Ryan though. I smiled. "Thanks."
And then the impossible happened. He leaned down and kissed me, a slow, tender kiss that left me whimpering and longing for more as he pulled away. "You're welcome."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lying in bed, eyes closed but awake, wondering what would be next. Sure, I'd shared with Ryan before, I had no problems hiding my feelings; most of the times he was too trashed to notice the way I looked at him or how I practically drooled when he got undressed. I guess I was the only one in the band who went to the bathroom to change; not that I was ashamed or anything -well, maybe a bit self-conscious- it was just a habit; I did it even with Jay and he'd seen me naked often enough.
But tonight it was different. He had kissed me only a few hours before and now I didn't know what to do. Did he expect me to act like nothing ever happened? Perhaps that kiss meant nothing for him, why should it be anything more than a friendly gesture? But it meant everything for me.
"I'm pathetic."
"What did you say?"
Fuck. I froze and opened my eyes. I hadn't realized I'd actually spoken out those words, nor did I notice Ryan coming back from the bathroom. Luckily he hadn't made out what I'd said. "Nothing, I just can't sleep."
"I'm shattered instead" he yawned and turned off the lamp on the nightstand "Night."
"Night" I muttered switching off mine and turned to face the wall, but sleep wouldn't come that easily. I dozed off a few times but always woke up within minutes; only around 5 am I finally managed to fall into a deep slumber, hoping I would dream of Ryan again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I opened my eyes hours later, the bright yellow sunlight sliding its way into the room through a narrow gap between the still drawn curtains. I stretched and rubbed my eyes, turning onto my side and saw that Ryan's bed was empty. I couldn't believe he'd already got up, I usually had to roll him off the bed -and he often went on sleeping on the floor afterwards. Had I slept that long? I was about to check my watch when I noticed Ryan sitting in an armchair and looking at me. "Uhm...Morning Ry, how come you're already up?"
"I knew."
"Huh?" I sat up, completely clueless of what he was talking about.
"I knew you were awake last night, awake and thinking of me, but you wouldn't dare to do anything. It would have been so easy for me to come over to your bed, just a few steps. I know you wanted me to. But I want *you* to make the next move now." He got up and went to the door. "And you're not pathetic at all."
Before I had the time to fully realize the meaning of his words he had already left the room, leaving me there gawking at the door while his footsteps faded down the corridor.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Perfect. Now I knew he wanted me too, I should have been happy to say the least. So why was I so nervous? I took a deep breath and finished off my drink, hoping that would help me act a little more careless. Like he had said, I needed to let go. A giggle from my left caught my attention. It was Amir sitting in Bobby's lap like he usually did, trying to stop our drummer from tickling his sides. I couldn't help but smile at his useless attempts to wave his lover's hands away; they were the perfect couple and I couldn't deny I was a bit envious sometimes. Then my eyes met Ryan's; he was sitting right next to them and staring at me. I looked away at once, mentally cursing myself for acting so stupid.
"Paige?"
I turned and saw Bobby smiling at me. He had stopped tormenting Amir, who was now sitting astride his hips and kissing his neck. "You should really do something before he starts hitting on that blonde over there."
I was taken aback for a few seconds, but soon understood. Talk about being obvious. I smiled back and he winked before proceeding to nip Amir's ear. It was now or never. I got up and stood right in front of Ryan holding out my hand, waiting for him to look up at me. "Dance?"
He grinned from ear to ear. "I thought you would never ask."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As soon as we reached the dance floor Ryan's hands were around my waist, holding me against his body as we moved together. The crowd swaying around us pressed me even closer to him, I thought I was going to die. As the last notes of the song melted into the beginning of a new one I looked at him. His clear blue eyes were fixed on me, unmistakable hunger in them, and I felt naked before him. My hand found the nape of his neck and I guided him to me for a kiss. I needed this more than anything, needed the way he made me feel. Alive. Lips hot and wet on mine, skin smooth under my hands. Were the others looking at us? I couldn't care less. But I wanted to be alone with him, wanted him to be only mine.
"Let's go."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The door was locked. Silence. I turned and found him sitting on his bed, head tilted, that evil little smile.
"Are you going to come and get me tonight, Paige?" The quilt rustled softly as he slowly ran his palm over it "Or will I have to sleep all alone again?"
No way Ryan, not tonight. A few steps and I was there in his lap, my arms around his shoulders. Was this really happening? His hands found their way under my shirt and slid up my back, around my waist, to my stomach. I closed my eyes and purred; it felt so good. When I looked down at him again he was grinning, eyes sparkling, obviously satisfied by the reactions he'd caused. He slowly worked at the zipper that ran down the centre of my black shirt, my hands now tangled in his platinum spikes, knees around his slender waist. Once my shirt was hanging open he trailed one finger down my chest, just where the zipper used to be, stopping just before my navel then tracing small circles around it.
I was in heaven.
I felt his hands move up my arms, soft fabric sliding off my shoulders and down my back, his lips pressed to the side of my neck. I tightened my grip in his hair and pulled up his head until it was mere inches from mine and I was staring at him dead in the eye. Beautiful. I kissed him and kissed him again, never wanting to stop, lose contact; this moment had to last forever. He eventually broke away, smiling at me before beginning to plant tiny kisses on my chest. My head fell back and he ran his tongue up my throat, making me moan and tremble at the delicious feeling.
"God Ryan, I love you."
I regretted those words instantaneously. The fact that we were making out on his bed didn't have to involve love after all and knowing my luck those three little words would freak him out, he would tell me he just wanted to fuck and he'd throw me out of his room before dawn. Even if we were rooming together. I felt so stupid for fucking up such a perfect moment with my damned romanticism.
I gasped as Ryan's arms wrapped around me and held me tight against the warmth of his body, his face buried in my hair.
"I hoped you'd say that."
I swear I thought I was going to have a heart attack and that would be it, goodbye Paige. Instead I just hugged him back, smiling against his shoulder. He was still dressed.
"When are you going to take these off?" I asked pulling at his clothes. Not even a minute later we were lying naked between the rumpled sheets, my previous thoughts completely forgotten. He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him, reaching up to gently stroke two fingers across my lips. I drew them into my mouth, sucking and licking, never breaking the eye contact between us. Then they were gone and I felt them there, sliding inside, probing. My eyes reflexively closed and I fell forward a bit, my hands on either side of Ryan's head trying to keep some balance. I felt suddenly empty as he removed them.
"Don't worry" Ryan reassured me cutting off my whimpered protests "I know what you need."
Without another word he entered me, slowly, slowly until he had filled me completely. I bent down over his chest, gripping the sheets tightly and panting audibly on his neck.
"You ok?" He asked brushing my hair away from my sweat slick face. I felt my cheeks burning, my skin on fire.
"Better than...ok."
His blue eyes lit up, his hands kneading my hips as he pulled out and started to thrust. I couldn't keep my eyes open, it was too intense, the sensations overwhelming. I thought my heart was going to stop as his hand closed around me and began moving. Up. Down. Tighter.
"Ryan...Ryan" I was gasping for air at that point, ready to explode. And I did as he pushed deeper, right there, again and again, sending me toward the most amazing orgasm I'd had in ages. A few seconds later I felt him stiffen beneath me, his hold on my waist almost painful as he thrust harder and came inside me, my name a strangled sound escaping his throat.
We lay like that for some time, our hearts beating against each other until I felt a shiver run down my spine. Cold. I climbed off him and reached for the sheets, pulling them up around our naked bodies as he drew me into his arms, warmer than any blanket could ever be.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Paige..." Fingers drifting slowly down my cheek. Am I dreaming? "Sleeping Beauty wants a kiss?" Words whispered softly in my ear, a tongue tracing the outline of the lobe.
"Mmh..." I rolled over and snuggled closer to the man lying beside me, ran a hand down his flank, feeling every fold of his shirt. Shirt? I pulled back and tried to open my sleepy eyes, blinking at the morning light. Yes, shirt. And trousers and shoes. What the hell...? "What time is it?" I quickly sat up, expecting it to be awfully late. "Why didn't you wake me sooner?"
"Hey, hey. Don't worry Paige, it's still early. I just have to go check a couple of things that didn't work right last night. I'll be back soon."
"You should have woken me anyway" I muttered moving closer again and nuzzled his neck, breathing his scent. Addictive.
"You needed to sleep" A hand through my hair "You don't get enough rest." Lips on my temple, my cheekbone. "I'll be back soon. I promise." I smiled against his mouth as he sealed his promise with a kiss.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I didn't feel like getting out of bed at all. The pillow still held his scent and I just wanted to drown in the memories of last night. I curled up under the sheets and smiled as I recalled the way he'd held me, cuddled me until I finally drifted off to sleep. I'd never thought Ryan could be so sweet, especially not with me.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Was he already back? "Who is it?"
"It's Jay. Can I come in?"
Jay? This early? I reluctantly got up and reached for a pair of black denims. "Yeah, wait a sec." I put on a random grey T-shirt I found on the back of a chair, making a face as I realized it was Ryan's. Too tight. I just hoped Jay wouldn't notice and make cheeky comments on it. I was still too sleepy for that. The door opened with a faint creak.
"Nice shirt."
Yeah, right. I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Don't even go there, I'm not conscious enough to argue with you." I saw him flashing me a grin as he walked past me and went to sit down in a chair near the rumpled bed. He eyed it briefly, amused. "So what brings you here at this inhuman hour?"
"Inhuman? Dude, it's midday." He said still smiling.
"Weren't you the one who didn't want to hear the word 'wake' before 2 pm?" I sat down at the foot of the bed and yawned. I was still a little tired.
"Whatever. I just came to see if everything's ok, you know, between you and that liquid idiot."
"Don't call him like that." God, I hated that nickname, I wondered how Ryan could just shrug it off. But then again, we were very different; it amazed me that he liked me at all.
"Oh, come on Paigey, you know I'm just kidding." I said nothing. "You take things too seriously, man." He got up and sat down next to me, putting an arm around my shoulder.
"Uhm...Jay?" I turned to him as I felt him leaning into me and kissing my neck. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make it up to you for insulting your new plaything?"
He nipped my ear. No. "Jay, stop it." I tried to shove him away but he didn't let go. "Get off me."
"You can't resist me Paige, nobody can." His tongue on my throat "And you know I love it when you tell me to stop." He pushed me down on the bed, his knee sneaking between my legs. Shit. I struggled to get free, throw him off me, but to no avail.
"Please Jay, let me go. I don't..." My words were cut off as his mouth slammed down on mine, tongue seeking entrance between my lips. His hands ran down my sides, under my shirt. Ryan's shirt. I couldn't do this, couldn't let this happen, not after last night. I tried to push him away again but this time he grasped my wrists and pinned me down.
"Playing hard to get, Paige?" He grinned smugly at me. "Or are you trying to tell me you *don't* want me?"
"Exactly!" I spat. "And now get off!"
"Mmh..." He tilted his head a bit, studying me through lowered eyelids. No, not that look. "Why don't you sound convincing at all?" His lips found mine again, silencing my useless protests. Not wanting to give in so easily, I bit down hard on his lower lip, feeling the salty taste of his blood an instant before he pulled away. "You little bitch!"
I suddenly found my head turned to my right, heat radiating from the centre of my left cheek to the whole side of my face. Then came a dull pain. He had hit me. Jay had hit me. I felt tears run down my reddened cheeks.
"Aww, you're so cute when you cry, Paigey" He bent down and licked them away, one hand fumbling with the buttons of my jeans. I closed my eyes.
"No..."
"Paaaiiige? You're still in bed? I forgot my...what the fuck is going on here?"
Light. Jay's weight lifted from my body. Rustling, curses, a thud. Someone tugging me to sit up, arms wrapped protectively around me. And I was surrounded by that scent again. "Ryan..." I clutched at him, my head on his shoulder as I soaked the fabric of his shirt with tears.
"It's alright Paige, I'm here."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" I could hear Ryan shouting in the bedroom as I looked at myself in the mirror: eyes still watery and red, lips swollen and a nice pink print of Jay's hand on my cheek. What a charming sight. I splashed some cold water on my face, wishing I could just wash away what had happened in those 10 minutes.
"Calm the fuck down, Ryan. And I don't have anything to explain to you anyway."
"The hell you don't! Paige is with me now, don't you dare touch him again."
I held my breath at his words. I was with him? Did he really care so much about me ? I switched off the light and stepped out of the bathroom.
"Heh. You don't know him Ryan, not at all. He loves *me*, not you, not anybody else. Only me. Always has, always will. He just wants to try something new."
"Is that true, Paige?" Ryan's clear blue eyes staring into mine questioningly. I looked down.
"No."
"Why didn't you stop me then? You didn't struggle much." Jay was smiling, I could feel it. Why did he always have to be so full of himself? "You liked it, didn't you?"
"No..." Why was my voice trembling, why was I so weak? I raised my head again, turned to Ryan. "I thought he wouldn't...he'd never..." Nothing. No sympathy, no trust in his eyes. He didn't believe me, would never believe me. I ran out of the room, down the hallway, past unknown doors. I couldn't cry, not again. But my vision was blurred, my eyes burned. Just a little bit...
I connected with something. Someone. "Paige?" Hands on my shoulders. "Paige, what's wrong?" I saw Bobby and Amir standing in front of me and burst out, clinging to them as I choked out fragments of words.
"He doesn't believe me... I tried... but he wouldn't... didn't want to..." Footsteps behind me. I froze. He was coming to tell me he didn't want me anymore, that I was just a little slut. I tried to go away but someone was holding me fast. Amir?
"We need to talk."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Why did you run away, Paige?" Ryan was sitting on the floor in front of me in our room. The others had left us alone, Amir mumbling something about cutting Jay's tongue off. When I didn't answer he came closer and placed both hands on my thighs. "What happened, Paige?"
I couldn't look at him. "I tried Ryan, really, but he..." Silence. "Why are you still with me anyway?"
His hold on my legs grew tighter. "You tried what?"
"I told him to stop, but..." Lip quivering. Fuck, no. Not again.
"I knew." He sat down next to me on the couch and pulled me to him, stroked my back. "You shouldn't have stormed out like that, I trust you. What I don't get is why you didn't kick him in the nuts. I would've done that."
I couldn't help but smile. "But that's Jay. I mean, I didn't think he would..."
"Do you still love him?"
I sighed and looked up at him. "No." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "But maybe he's right, I'll never be able to get over him. I don't know..."
Ryan held me some more then pulled back. "I know it's hard for you, Paige" His hand on my cheek. "Just try to make up your mind." He gave me a quick kiss before standing up and leaving the room. I fell back on the sofa and closed my eyes.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The club was crowded and I coughed as the smoke-filled air reached my lungs. We moved through the dancing people and found our secluded spot, sitting down with our drinks like we did every night. Amir and Bobby were in their happy little world, while Jay was bitching about something. But Ryan was silent. Sipping at his beer -and not swallowing half the bottle in one gulp like he usually did- and not saying a word. After the umpteenth trivial thing Jay had brought up just to remind us of the diva he was, I stood up. "You know something Jay?" He raised an eyebrow at me, looking quite annoyed by my unexpected interruption. "Fuck off."
The expression on his face was priceless; I couldn't believe I'd taken so long to say those simple two words. Amir burst out laughing and Bobby covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter. I turned to Ryan, the most beautiful smile illuminating his features, and tugged him to his feet.
"Let's dance."
-----
July/October 2001