Title: The experiment
Author: Ligeia
Pairing: SS/RL
Rating: PG-13/light R
Category: PWP, parody
Summary: Snape tries to improve the Wolfsbane Potions, but gets some unexpected consequences.
A/N: This is not what it looks like. ^_^'
All characters in the Harry Potter universe belong to JK Rowling. I'm just a devoted fan with an overactive imagination.
The change was always painful. Remus never complained, but Severus could see the fear in his eyes whenever the full moon approached, the tired look on his face the morning after. The Wolfsbane Potion allowed the werewolf to keep his human mind, but did nothing to facilitate the transformation or ease the pain.
Severus couldn't stand it. He had read everything on the subject, tried all the possible variants of the base formula and even experimented a few that were classified as completely ineffective, but the outcome was always the same: you couldn't alleviate the physical suffering without compromising the taming function of the Wolfsbane. And Remus had been adamant: he refused to risk his lover's safety just to be "a little less sore in the morning", claiming that the pain-relieving potions Severus brewed for him worked perfectly, so there was no need for anything else.
"I know you are a Potion genius, but you can't find a solution to everything," Remus said as he opened the kitchen cupboard and collected cups and saucers. He usually prepared tea for the members of the Order of the Phoenix when they met at number 12, Grimmauld Place.
Sirius had done something sensible for once in his reckless life: he had written a will during his forced stay at his family's residence and left the house to Harry, along with everything else he owned. The boy would inherit it officially upon becoming of age and Sirius had disposed that the place be administered by Remus until then.
"But there has to be a way," Severus replied leaning back against the table, arms folded over his chest and a frown on his face. "With Polyjuice Potion your whole body turns into somebody else's, but you don't suffer quite so much."
"Yes, and Animagi can turn into animals without screaming their throat raw every time. My situation is different, Severus. Lycanthropy is a curse, it's Dark Magic." Remus shut the cupboard door and turned around. "If there is a way, I'm sure you'll find it."
"I'm glad to see you have so much faith in me. But I think..."
"Hush," he said putting his arms around Severus's neck. "There's no point in worrying about it now. The others will be here soon."
"How soon?" Severus placed his hands on Remus's hips and pulled him closer.
Remus leaned forward, lips brushing the Potions master's as he spoke. "Well, we should have enough time to--"
Just then they heard a series of loud metallic sounds coming from the entrance. Remus sighed and shook his head. "Awful timing as usual." He started to pull back, but Severus didn't let go. He held him firmly and kissed him hard, forcing Remus's mouth open and biting his lips as his bony fingers dug almost painfully in the werewolf's hips.
"I always finish what I start, Lupin," Severus half-whispered, half-growled against his mouth and let him go, mere seconds before the kitchen was invaded by a cheery flock of Weasleys.
+++
"Mmgh!" Charlie quickly put the cup down on the table. "I burned my tongue!"
"Oh, come on, Charlie. You work with dragons and then complain for a bit of warm tea?" Bill said stirring his own steaming drink.
"I use gloves and fire-repellent charms at work. And, just for your information, that tea was fucking scorching."
"Charlie," Molly warned, looking at him disapprovingly.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry mum. But you'd be a little upset too if you'd just peeled off your tongue."
"Oh, don't be such a baby. Here, look." She lifted the cup to her lips and drank. "See? No need to make such a fuss."
Charlie goggled. "What the... Have you got a fireproof tongue or something?"
"You try to give birth to seven children. I can assure you the word "pain" will earn a whole new meaning."
"She's got a point, you know," Bill muttered to his brother.
"Well, I'm glad for you mum, but I still think I've just burn about a thousand taste buds," Charlie said, then stuck out his tongue and carefully prodded it with a fingertip.
"Oh, for Heaven's sake, you're not a small boy anymore. You'll never find a girlfriend if you keep complaining about everything."
Severus didn't even try to hide his smirk. So Molly didn't know her second-born was as queer as a three-knut coin. The poor woman would be uselessly waiting for grandchildren, while...
Suddenly something she had said hit him. You try to give birth to seven children.
It was and absurd idea, definitely unorthodox and completely untested, but perhaps he had just found a solution to Remus's problem.
+++
Estrogens, progesterone, endorphins. Severus felt more like a Muggle chemist rather than a Potion master, but after the sudden epiphany he'd had thanks to Molly Weasley he intended to get to the bottom of the matter. Getting hold of what he was looking for had turned out harder than he had initially thought, but a long trip to Knuckturn Alley and generous tips to a couple of obscure apothecaries had ensured him everything he needed. Now he just had to wait and see if this particular version of the Wolfsbane would have the desired effects. He was expecting the progesterone to act as muscle relaxant and ease the change from man to wolf, while the estrogens and endorphins would dull the pain. The hormones were already present in the human body - in minuscule amounts, but present nonetheless - and, according to his researches, adding them to the potion wouldn't alter its effectiveness. Apparently they didn't alter the taste either, since Remus hadn't said anything when Severus brought him the first dose of the month.
The morning after the full moon Severus found Remus sleeping peacefully on the hearth rug. He took it as an extremely good sign; his lover usually needed a dose of a rather strong pain-killer potion before he was able to fall asleep. His experiment may have worked, after all.
+++
Severus raised an eyebrow as Remus took yet another slice of toasted bread - the fourth that morning - and spread a generous amount of strawberry jam on it.
"Hungry this morning, aren't we?"
"Mmh-hmm." Remus nodded and swallowed. "I've been feeling quite peckish lately. And I don't even like strawberry jam that much," he added and bit into his toast again.
Severus snorted. "Could've fooled me." He would never admit it aloud, but he secretly enjoyed those Sunday mornings, when he and Remus could have breakfast together, either in his quarters at Hogwarts or at Grimmauld Place. They gave him a sense of intimacy he had never experienced before. Besides, when they were alone he could tease Remus all he liked without Minerva butting in to defend "poor, quiet Remus, always too polite with people who didn't deserve his kindness", or Albus twinkling at them in a way that made him suspect the old man knew more than he let on about their relationship.
"But it's true!" Remus muttered around his mouthful. "I feel like I could eat anything these days."
He reached for a fifth slice of bread, but Severus swatted his hand away. "For Heaven's sake, Remus! You were sick just yesterday. I don't want you to throw up again."
"Aww, so kind of you to worry about me," he said fluttering his eyelids. Severus shot him a murderous look.
"It's strange though, I don't usually suffer from stomach-ache."
"Maybe because you don't usually stuff yourself like a fattening pig?"
"You know something? I think this may just be your fault."
Severus blinked. "Excuse me? What can I possible have to do with your abnormal appetite?"
"Don't pretend you don't know," Remus replied leaning forward and poking Severus's chest with a finger. "You did something to the Wolfsbane potion, didn't you?"
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
"Come on, how could I fail to notice it? The change is almost painless, I can even sleep without taking all those potions you used to make me drink the morning after. It's been three months in a row now, it can't be just a lucky chance."
"And what if I had something to do with it?"
"In that case," Remus got up from his chair and sat down astride Severus's thighs, "I'd like to thank you."
"Well, I may have made some minor adjustments to the base formula," Severus said running his hands down Remus's sides and letting them rest over his hips.
Remus smiled and leaned down, intending to thank his lover thoroughly.
+++
Severus loved those dreams. The ones in which Remus worshipped every inch of his body as if he were the Potions master's personal - and extremely talented - sex slave. The ones that left him so aroused, he had to use all his willpower to stop from flooing to Grimmauld Place in the middle of the night and shag Remus senseless. The ones that caused him to wake up sweaty and aching and...
He arched his back and gasped as he came into Remus's mouth.
Well, that's a good way to start the day, Severus thought when his brain had recovered from the shock of such a sensation overload first thing in the morning. He slowly opened his eyes and looked down at Remus, who was still lying on his stomach between his legs, an impish expression on his face.
"Good morning," he said, hazel eyes shining a brilliant amber as a golden ray of sunlight seeped through the curtains and landed on the bed. "Sleep well?"
"Mmh," Severus mumbled and reached down to stroke Remus's hair. "What was that for? Not that I didn't appreciate it."
"Well," Remus's smile turned into an outright grin as he got up on his hands and knees and slowly crawled up the length of Severus's body. "I had this weird dream and woke up feeling a bit... restless, you know?" He rubbed himself against Severus's thigh in a way that made it quite clear just how restless he was feeling at the moment. "And I thought that perhaps if you were awake as well, we could think of something to..."
Severus frowned as Remus abruptly stopped and paled visibly. "Remus? Are you all right?"
The werewolf shook his head and sprang from the bed, making a beeline for the bathroom. Severus threw back the sheets and got to his feet just before the retching started.
He didn't like that, didn't like that at all.
+++
"Well?" Severus asked impatiently as Poppy Pomfrey scanned Remus with her wand for the second time. "What's wrong with him?"
The mediwitch ignored him and went on with her visit, smiling at Remus's apologetic look.
"Mmh... Well, this is strange," she finally said when she was done.
"What's strange?"
"He doesn't seem to be ill. On the contrary, I'd say he's quite healthy, but..."
"But?" Demanded the Potions master, sounding exasperated.
"There are subtle changes in his metabolism, nothing serious, mind you, but... Well, if he was a woman I'd say she's probably pregnant," she said with a smile. "But since he's a man, I can't understand what may have caused them. It could be some kind of magical disease caused by a cursed artefact. Maybe something he came into contact with at Grimmauld Place? I know you cleaned up the place and got rid of the most dangerous objects, but there's still a lot of Dark Magic lurking among those walls. Why don't you talk to Bill Weasley? He may be able to help you."
Severus wasn't listening. His brain had stopped at the word pregnant. Remus couldn't be... No, it was ridiculous. It was impossible. The changes Madame Pomfrey was referring to were probably connected to the new Wolfsbane formula. She had simply detected a slightly altered hormonal level in Remus's body and, not knowing about the Potion, couldn't find a plausible explanation. Yes, Severus thought, that's it.
Still, he couldn't deny there had been changes in Remus's behaviour in the last couple of months: he would wake up in the middle of the night and all but pounce him, he craved food he'd never particularly liked before, he had frigging morning sickness, for Heaven's sake.
"Severus?"
A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality. "Yes?" He said in a strangled voice.
Remus frowned at him. "Are you all right? You went white all of a sudden."
The Potions master cleared his throat. "Yes, yes I'm fine. I think bothering Bill Weasley won't be necessary, we should be able to find out whether there are still cursed objects in that blasted house."
"All right," Remus replied, though he didn't sound convinced at all. "Thank you for your time, Poppy."
"Oh, don't even mention it. Take care, dear. And you too, Severus, you're not looking good."
"I never look good," Severus said and went to the door, feeling as if his stomach was full of lead. "Good evening."
+++++
"Severus?"
Severus muttered a faint "mmh", keeping his eyes on the book he was reading. Or trying to. He'd been staring at the same page for about twenty minutes now.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Yeah, right. I'm neither blind nor stupid, you know. It's obvious there's something bothering you." Remus perched on the armrest of the couch next to where Severus was sitting. "It's because we couldn't find the cause of my sickness, isn't it?"
Severus didn't reply. Remus sighed and put a hand on the Potions master's shoulder. "I'm sure it's nothing serious, maybe it was all that strawberry jam I've been eating lately. Probably didn't agree with me," he added with a smile.
Severus closed the book and covered Remus's hand with his. "Remus, if... would you... You like children, don't you?"
Remus frowned. "Why?"
"When you were teaching at Hogwarts you used to spend a lot of time with the students. I've always wondered how you could stand it, most of them are hopeless idiots who pass their time thinking about Quidditch or trying to find a way to meet their current crush."
The werewolf smiled. "Well, yes, some of them don't really care about getting an education and just want to have fun, but they're kids, Severus. Don't you remember what it's like to be a teen?"
"All too well," he mumbled. "But I've never allowed my hormones to get the better of my brain. And I seem to remember you were quite studious too. Why can't they all be like that?"
"Because when you're young your priorities seldom mirror your teachers'. We were kind of an exception, just like Hermione Granger. I swear I've never seen a girl study so much. But why this sudden interest in children? Are you trying to turn into a nice teacher?" Remus asked, grinning.
Severus snorted. "The last thing those menaces need is a "nice" teacher, they already have a "nice" headmaster. I was simply wondering if you had ever thought about... getting a... family. A normal family, with... children."
"Oh." Remus looked down at Severus, who was resolutely not looking at him. "Well, yes, I did think of it once or twice, but given my total lack of interest towards the female gender, I've always assumed I wouldn't have children of my own. Harry's pretty much like a son to me, well, perhaps a nephew... And besides, you know what they say: children are nice, as long as they are someone else's," he added with a smile.
"I see," Severus mumbled, casually stroking the book cover.
"Hey." Remus knelt down in front of him and took the book from his hands. "It's not like you to fret so much about something. You are my family and I'm happy. That's all that counts."
Severus studied him for a moment and nodded, leaning in steal a kiss from his lover's lips.
+++++
Not pregnant. Remus was not pregnant. After turning the house upside-down and reading all the books on curses and Dark Magic he could find, he had decided to switch back to the old Wolfsbane formula, to see if the potion really was the cause of everything. Remus had agreed with no complaint, but Severus had caught that look in his eyes, the one he had seen so many times on the evenings before Remus's transformation. Fear. Fear of the moon, fear of he pain it would bring.
And then he had received that owl...
Remus shifted slightly on the bed, hazel eyes slowly fluttering open.
"How do you feel?" Severus asked, gently stroking Remus's cheek with the back of his fingers.
"I've been better," Remus answered in a rough voice, wincing as he tried to sit up. "God, I'd almost forgotten how painful it is the morning after. Your potion really did wonders."
"About that," Severus said, not quite looking at him. "I got an owl from the apothecary where I usually buy my most delicate ingredients. It seems their apprentice didn't cast the right preservation spell on the aconite, thus altering some of its properties. It only got to their attention now because they saw him cast the spell on a new batch. So, I'm afraid that all your problems were indeed caused by my potion. I'm sorry, I should've noticed something was off."
"Don't be," Remus replied. "You had no way of knowing he had messed up the spell. Not even the people at the apothecary noticed any difference."
"But if I had checked..."
"Severus," Remus said, reaching up and cupping Severus's cheek in his hand. The Potions master finally looked down at him. "You've already helped me more than you can imagine. Yes, this change was awfully painful, but until a few months ago it was like that every full moon. It probably seems worse now because the last three changes were almost painless and my body had got used to the new transformation. You don't need to be sorry, if anything all this will make me appreciate your potion even more." He paused and smiled. "Even though it still tastes like shit."
Severus snorted. "I'll start working on a chocolate-flavoured variant then."
"Oh, that would be a dream come true," Remus said with a grin.
Severus rolled his eyes. "I'll bring you some tea." He leaned down and kissed him lightly.
"Thank you."
He had just left the bedroom when Remus added, "Well, at least I'll stop acting like a bloody pregnant woman now."
-----
June 2005